Make It Okay
by Eatin Some Pie
Summary: His friends were all dead, and Rin refused to leave it at that. They deserved more, they deserved to live, they deserved so many things that Rin had taken away from them. He was so selfish to think that he could be there with them and their happy ending. But that was okay. He was going to make everything right again.
1. 0 - Every New Beginning

**Fandom:** Blue Exorcist / 青の祓魔師

 **Summary:** His friends were all dead, and Rin refused to leave it at that. They deserved more, they deserved to live, they deserved so many things that Rin had taken away from them. He was so selfish to think that he could be there with them and their happy ending. But that was okay. He was going to make everything right again.

 **A/N:** While not at all necessary to read to understand this story, I'd still like to call attention to my other fic, _When Everyone's Dead_. Chronologically, it happens before the events in this fic, so it may be interesting to read. Totally optional though. The only thing you'd be missing out on if you decide not to read it is some angst, so no worries!

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 **0.** **Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End**

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i đѳท'Ƭ ૨૯αℓℓy ૨૯ʍ૯ʍв૯૨ ђѳખ ѳℓđ ખ૯ ખ૯૨૯,

 _"Oi, Yukio!" Rin smiled from the top of the monkey bar set and waved to his younger brother with both arms._

ѳ૨ ખђαƬ ખ૯ ખ૯૨૯ đѳiทg,

 _"N-Nii-san! You gotta hold on with both arms, that's dangerous!" Yukio ran up to the monkey bar set and fretted for his brother's safety. Rin smirked and seemed ready to do something even more dangerous, but thought better of it and complied. His hands firmly gripped the bars under him, even if he knew that he didn't need them._

вષƬ i ૨૯ʍ૯ʍв૯૨ ƬђαƬ ખ૯ ખ૯૨૯ ђα√iทg Բષท.

 _"Don' worry 'bout it, Yukio, I got this!" he laughed. The younger of the twins still worried, but assured himself in that Rin was very capable of keeping himself up there without problems._

 _When he paid attention, that is. But he seemed fine. Rin was strong._

ખ૯ ђαđ α ℓѳƬ ѳԲ Բષท вα૮ઝ Ƭђ૯ท.

 _Rin soon decided that he would rather be where his twin was then up there by himself, so he made his way down. There were a few times where he'd almost slipped off the bars, the rain from just aan hour before had left them slippery, but it was fine. He made his way down quickly and without incident and jumped off the bars once he deemed himself close enough to the ground._

 _The rain clouds had only just stopped their light drizzle and Rin had insisted on coming to the park to make the most of the daylight left. He argued with both his brother and his dad about it, but in the end, his determination won out and the small family spent the last bits of daylight at the park._

ʍ૯ αทđ yષઝiѳ ખѳષℓđ gѳ Ƭѳ Ƭђ૯ ρα૨ઝ Ƭѳg૯Ƭђ૯૨ αทđ ρℓαy ρi૨αƬ૯ઽ ઽѳʍ૯Ƭiʍ૯ઽ, ѳ૨ ʍαyв૯ ખ૯'đ ρ૨૯Ƭ૯ทđ Ƭѳ в૯ ૯×ρℓѳ૨૯૨ઽ.

 _"So, wha' do we do now?" Rin put his hands on his hips. "Everything's all wet, so stuff like the swings are out."_

 _"Well, we could try and look for the Great Treasure again?" the younger twin suggested. He was excited to put to the test the knowledge he'd gotten from a children's book about pirates. The characters in the book fought sea serpents! Rin would love it!_

 _Rin pumped up a fist. "Aw yeah, the Treasure! Where were we last time?"_

 _"I think we were over here..."_

ђ૯'đ в૯ Ƭђ૯ gષy ખiƬђ Ƭђ૯ в૨αiทઽ,

 _The two looked for clues as to where their treasure_ _was. There were puddles of water that soon turned into oceans and lands filled with unpredictable geysers, whatever they decided would be the most fun._

 _Yukio led his twin and their men on_ _expedition after expedition, using his vast intellect and wit to make decisions that would often save them all. Rin would praise him and lead the charge on their never ending search for adventure._

αทđ i'đ в૯ ђiઽ ʍષઽ૮ℓ૯.

 _And as the captain of their airship turned to address his men, Rin made sure that none of them even thought about abandoning ship or turning on their leader. He would beat down anyone that had misgivings and destroy any beast that stood in their way._

i đѳท'Ƭ ૨૯ʍ૯ʍв૯૨ ખђ૯ท iƬ ઽƬα૨Ƭ૯đ.

 _"Alright, it's time to go home, boys!" Shiro picked up Yukio and held him up high just as they were doing battle with a thousand krakens. Yukio squeaked in surprise and Rin stopped with his rather expressive hand gestures._

 _"Aww, we jus' got to the good part!" Rin pouted and didn't move from his spot as his father carried Yukio away._

 _"Well you boys can always start with the good part when we come back!" he smiled._

yષઝiѳ ઽƬα૨Ƭ૯đ Ƭѳ đ૨iԲƬ αખαy Բ૨ѳʍ ʍ૯.

 _"Ugh,_ _fiiiine." the elder twin dragged his feet as he followed his family out of the park. Yukio squirmed to be let down, and he walked beside his father once he was allowed to plant his feet on the ground. Rin walked a little faster to catch up with the two._

 _Rin had his hands in his pockets and slouched over, still a bit sour about their playtime being interrupted. "Oi, Yukio, you gonna remember what part we were at?"_

 _Yukio smiled back at his brother. "Yeah, definitely!"_

i đѳท'Ƭ ઝทѳખ ખђαƬ i ખαઽ Ƭђiทઝiทg ખђ૯ท i ℓ૯Ƭ ђiʍ.

 _Satisfied, Rin smiled and kicked away a stray rock to the curb. Yukio and Shiro began to talk about something, probably school from what words the elder child paid attention to. Disinterested, he let his attention wander towards a group of friends walking in the opposite direction as them, on the other side of the street._

'Oh,' _he thought as one of the teens said something and the group laughed._ 'They look like they're having fun.'

'Yukio should have fun too.' _Recently, he'd felt some distance between them. Yukio had his own friends and people that he could talk to when he wasn't talking to Rin. It was fine though. Better than fine, it was great! Yukio had friends, so whenever Rin got sent home for fighting, he wouldn't be all alone._

вષƬ i gષ૯ઽઽ ƬђαƬ'ઽ ѳઝαy.

 _There was some possessiveness that he felt when he thought about it. Something inside chanted 'mine mine MINE,' but it was stupid. Yukio wasn't his, Yukio was his own. His brother was doing a good job of getting new friends and people to talk to so he wouldn't be lonely. Rin crossed his arms and nodded to himself._ 'As the big brother, I approve!'

i'ℓℓ ʍαઝ૯ iƬ ૨igђƬ.

 _"What're you thinking about over there, Rin?" Shiro turned so he could lay a hand on Rin's head and he mussed his hair. Rin's mouth opened and let out a whine of complaint at the manhandling and shoved the hand off of him._

 _"'M just thinkin' 'bout big brother things, don't bother me!" His father simply laughed and shook his head._

 _"'Big brother things?' Are they so secret that you can't can't let your dad know about them?" Yukio looked on curiously from the other side of Shiro._

 _Rin looked at Yukio and squinted, then seemed to reach a decision. "I can tell you, but Yukio can't hear!"_

i ઽખѳ૨૯ Ƭѳ ρ૨ѳƬ૯૮Ƭ ђiʍ, y'ઝทѳખ?

 _"Hey, not fair!" came the younger twin's immediate protest, but he was quickly shushed by his father._

 _"Now Yukio, if Rin want's this to be a secret, then there's no going around it. Now then, Rin," he bent down so that they could talk quietly to each other while Yukio frowned at the two, "What's this big brother secret?"_

 _He held up a hand to cover his mouth from Yukio's ears and whispered, "Yukio's been talking to some other kids and having fun. As the big brother, I think that's good! I can protect him from bullies while he has fun!"_

αทđ iԲ Ƭђ૯૨૯'ઽ ѳท૯ Ƭђiทg i'√૯ ℓ૯α૨ท૯đ αвѳષƬ в૯iทg α đ૯ʍѳท,

 _Shiro blinked and stared at the small child before him._ 'How curious.'

 _Rin frowned when his dad didn't say anything. "What, you don't believe me? I promise I will!"_

 _The man simply laughed and placed his hand on the boy's head. "Well then, You'd best keep your words now that you've promised me that. And you know that real men keep their promises, don't you?"_

 _Rin nodded seriously. "Yeah! It's a promise between men!"_

iƬ'ઽ ƬђαƬ ρ૨ѳʍiઽ૯ઽ α૨૯ αℓખαyઽ ઝ૯ρƬ.

ーᴇxᴄᴇʀᴘᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟ ᴏꜰ Oᴋᴜᴍᴜʀᴀ Rɪɴ, Jᴀɴ. 4ᴛʜ, 2011

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 _So! I've been stuck on the idea of this story since I'd written its 'prequel.' It's just a vague idea and doesn't have a whole lot of shape, but it wouldn't leave me alone! This little prologue practically wrote itself, too!_

 _I'm not all that confident that I'll be able to stick with the fic 'till its end or update it in a timely manner (school's started, so it's gonna eat up a lot of my time), but I'd really like to give it a shot anyway._

 _To be honest, I think that the reason why I'm writing anything at all is that I took an English class over the summer, and that's probably got me wanting to write all the time. I might as well take advantage of this urge and milk it for all it has!_

 _Hopefully, I won't abandon this story part way through. It sucks as a reader when an author doesn't update anymore, and I'm sure it would suck just as much from the author side of things._

 _Thank you for reading!_

 _(Oh, and if the bit from Rin's journal is hard to read, shoot me a PM and I'll send you a plain text version.)_


	2. 1 - One Struggles to Go Back

**Fandom:** Blue Exorcist / 青の祓魔師

 **Summary:** His friends were all dead, and Rin refused to leave it at that. They deserved more, they deserved to live, they deserved so many things that Rin had taken away from them. He was so selfish to think that he could be there with them and their happy ending. But that was okay. He was going to make everything right again.

 **Warnings:** Descriptions of violence/gore and adult language

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 **1\. One Struggles to Go Back, the Other Longs to Move Forward**

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The rivers of time only flow forwards. This was something that Rin soon realized as he found himself unable to force them farther back than a few days.

He had, however, succeeded in separating himself from the flow of time. Below him were millions upon million of silvery streams and gushing torrents of water. Each represented something different; a stone, a person, an animal, a plant. Everything that existed where time could affect it had its own silver stream, each in that endless space of clouds and sky.

Rin looked around. It really was like an endless sky. If there were no rivers, he could've fooled himself that he'd been stuck floating in the skies of a clouded dawn. Pinks and yellows and pastel blues were everywhere, not only from this warm void but also reflected off of the silvery rivers that flowed infinitely. He couldn't see the sun anywhere, but he could feel it warming his back and see it reflected by the rivers.

But as breathtaking as the view was, he'd come here for a reason (not that it was his intention to make it to the void outside of time in the first place, but it was better than absolute failure). His flames had failed to redirect the rivers that he couldn't reach, and he'd removed himself from his time stream. There was no other explanation for it. Rin didn't know how, he was sure that the clown or his brother, were he alive, could have given him some long and detailed explanation for the phenomenon, but he didn't care in the slightest. There was only his goal, and his floating presence in this void was an obstacle.

"How the fuckin' hell do I get outta here...?" He looked around, sapphire eyes searching through the clouds and the rivers. "Mephisto's gonna have my tail if I fuck this up."

Unlikely, unless the demon deemed it a poor performance and chose to do something about it.

Above him weren't as many rivers as there were below, but there was a smaller one that caught his eye. He felt himself gasp when his eyes connected to his reflection's eyes, and he knew. That was his personal river, the one that followed his life to its end.

The surviving son of Satan floated up to it with a mere thought and watched the direction in which it flowed. If he chose to follow the silver water to its end, he would surely see where his own life would end had he decided to live naturally. Were he younger, only a few months younger, he would've battled with the temptation to go see. But Rin only scowled and flew to the opposite direction, towards the river's source. There was no time to be curious.

Even as he did nothing more that will himself forwards, he could feel his lungs begin to struggle to meet his body's demands for oxygen. His muscles began to burn and his head started to pound in time with his beating heart. The strain of keeping himself where he didn't belong was taking its toll, a toll he wasn't completely surprised about. But so soon? He'd only been in this strange place for ten minutes at the most. The fact that the energy it took to keep himself there was increasing the longer he stayed was indisputable.

 _'This is bad, really, really bad,'_ Rin stopped for a moment to catch what little breath he could. His sweat started to soak through the simple gray t-shirt he'd been wearing for the last few months; the tears and loose threads never ceased to worry him that the shirt would fall apart at any moment, but the previously white shirt held on determinedly. _'Can't, can't stay here much longer. Don't know how to get out. Gotta figure it out, fast.'_

The small rest did little, not enough, but he had to keep following the silver water. "If I take 'nother break... won't get up again." 'Like the other exorcists' went unsaid. His words slurred together, a waste of breath, but the lack of any sound but the strange light ringing at the edge of his demonic hearing that all the rivers seemed to emit, something akin to a wind chime, compelled him to make some noise, anything.

He was a being that was used to being subjected to time. Free from its boundaries and its safeties, his body and mind began to react oddly, unexpectedly.

At one point, though it was difficult to truly tell, he'd felt as though he'd traveled a great distance in less than a millisecond. There were other times, more common, that everything seemed to move slowly and lethargically, even his own panting breaths. Even his mind began to suffer the effects of the void that Rin had landed himself in.

He tried not to think about it too hard when he realized what was happening, but every once in a while, a different memory would take its place at the forefront of his mind and try to convince him that it had happened only moments ago. Flashes of his life would show up in his mind's eye with such stunning clarity that it was all he could do to just breathe and focus on what was around him and why. Times when he was a child, with a child's mind and a child's reactions, were the most harmful to his journey. A younger Rin didn't know where he was or what he was doing, just that he was away from his family and that he was scared. When he regained control of himself, he would waste more time trying to get back to his river and undoing the damage that he'd unwittingly done for his progress.

"O-old man," Rin whispered to himself when he practically re-lived his father's death. Rin felt the raw throat he had after lashing out at the man who raised him for fifteen years, his horror once again nearly overtaking him when Satan had possessed Shiro. He had enough presence of mind to know that it'd happened nearly two years ago, but the wound was so _fresh_ again, too fresh to be ignored. But the tears tried to squeeze out what little air Rin could get into his body, and he was forced to set it aside.

The constant rearranging of his memories left him in a near constant state of confusion now, and without the extra breath to help him think, he had little hope of making sense of what he was doing exactly. Rin simply kept hold of the thought that he had to remain by the river. The fact that he had to rejoin the time stream at some point was completely lost to him. In one of his more lucid moments, Rin felt panic that he wouldn't be able to make it to where he wanted to go ( _'Where did I wanna go again? To the past, to the past, but where where_ where? _Why why w h y?'_ ). The moment was quickly washed away by another memory, vivid like they all were.

His breath was too short, he was nearly hyperventilating now. His lungs struggled to fill themselves with oxygen in a place that rejected his existence there. His vision wavered and darkened at its edges, and another memory chose that time to strike.

 _Red was the color of the sky, the color of the ground, the color of the very air around them._

 _Blue was the color of his fire, the color of his power, the color of his will to survive this._

 _The feeling of_ bloodfleshscreams _against his_ swordclawsteeth _was like a balm on his wild soul, the screams around him and the smell of gore in the air simultaneously invigorating and nauseating the half-demon. At the very least both sides of him could agree that the action and death left him feeling more alive than he'd felt in a while. He turned wildly as he cut down another of his kin (Son of Satan, inheritor of the flames,_ all _demons were his kin) and searched for another opponent, more prey, with his red-tinted eyes._

 _There! A group of exorcists were having trouble with some sort of giant amalgamation; he still had the presence of mind to recognize friend from foe. It was weak (they were all so weak, so full of blood) but large, and Satan's son took great pleasure in attacking it and going in to tear out its eye with his fangs._

 _The beast was large and its eyes small, only slightly larger than a human eyeball and nowhere near the same color as one. Rin latched onto the side of what he assumed to be its face and dug his claws deep into its flesh to hold on as it thrashed and howled. His shoes had been long abandoned and he took advantage of this, using the shorter claws on his toes to cement his place in the demon's side. He only needed a single hand to scoop out the eyeball from its socket, a task made all the more difficult from the demon's thrashing and constant blinking. But his prize was not to be denied to him, especially from such a weak demon that didn't even deserve to breathe the same air as him._

 _Were it not covered in eye fluid and blood, Rin could've mistaken it for a baseball. The thought distracted him for a bit as he imagined playing baseball with the eye. He quickly dismissed it. The eye would probably explode as soon as the bat touched it._

 _The thrashing and screeching came to a head and Rin leaped off the blinded demon, landing in front of it so that it would know who had stolen from it. He used his tongue to guide the eye into his awaiting mouth and used his elongated fangs to puncture it like a fruit. He licked away some of the organ's fluid from his hand mockingly, making loud smacking sounds and using his sword to lean on a bit. His tail flicked side to side in an almost lazy manner, as though he hadn't been fighting for the last few hours. "Eyeballs are pretty tasty, doncha think? Coulda used some seasoning though." Rin put a finger to his chin in thought. "Maybe I should take out that other one and make a recipe."_

 _And as the now one-eyed demon launched at him in rage, he abandoned his flaming sword in favor of his claws, now_ sharp _and_ long _and all that he needed to end the challenger's_ pitiful existence.

 _Purple became the color of his regrets and his conquests._

And Rin realized that he had to stop wasting energy preparing for an enemy that wasn't there. There were no dead exorcists, there was no blood thick in the air, there were no demons in this place. _''M not there anymore, snap outta it.'_ Rin pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. It was all too vivid, too real, too _soon_. The half-demon felt the urge to look over himself and check that he wasn't covered in blood that wasn't his and that he wasn't carrying the organs of others in his pockets. He could feel the phantom pressure of intestines underneath his cla—nails, he was human, they were _nails_ —and shuddered violently. But that was all his body could handle.

He looked around blindly, the darkness in his vision too thick to see past. He felt the world tilt around him, and something cool touched his skin. The lack of air and the pressure bearing down on him from all sides were gone, and Rin was too tired to wonder why.

 _'Someone... help.'_

* * *

He sat at the swingset, alone and near tears. His lip trembled slightly, but he kept in his cries and the tightness in his throat; it seemed to want to choke him if he didn't open his mouth and wail, but he was a big boy, and big boys couldn't act like babies. It was a rather juvenile way of trying to get himself not to cry, but he liked to think it worked a little. He wiped at his face with the blue sleeves of his hoodie in an attempt to rub away the wetness that gathered in his eyes.

The sun was low in the sky, but his home was near. There was no reason to worry about arriving home. No, instead, his fears were of arriving home to disappointed stares and scolding tones. He'd received enough of that from the teachers at school and he wasn't sure what he'd do if even at home they hated him.

He sighed and closed his eyes, remembering the way that everyone seemed to look at him as he was dragged to the principle's office. Some were sneering, most were afraid, and a few were cautiously curious. But not one of them seemed to be worried _for_ him. And that was what stung the most.

The boy looked at the dirty concrete below his feet. It was always the same. Someone would say something or do something, he'd fight with them, he'd get in trouble, he'd go home and get in trouble all over again, rinse and repeat. Nothing ever changed, no matter what he did, or what he tried to do. As he stared at the cracks and rocks in the concrete, he wondered why. He had no friends outside his brother, and wasn't that just pathetic? Meanwhile, his brother had his own group of friends that he could hang out with whenever he wasn't trying to cheer up his brother, and wasn't that just awful?

It wasn't jealousy that collected at the pit of his stomach. He could never be jealous of the brother that he'd protected for most of his elementary school life. It was something like disappointment in himself that he felt instead, something like frustration at his situation. Nothing ever changed no matter how hard he tried, and he couldn't help but feel some sort of despair. He wanted, _needed,_ something to change, but every time he tried, nothing happened. It was almost maddening.

He looked up at the deep shade of pink that the clouds had been painted with and sighed despondently. He might as well get over it. There was no point in being sad if nothing was going to change. If he didn't get a smile on his face soon, then everyone would start to worry.

A flock of birds were spooked from whatever tree they'd been resting in and he leaped up in surprise, ready to fight whoever was there. But there was nothing under the tree they'd come from, and he relaxed his stance. The birds flew away, further and further into the sky until they were just black specks against the cloud filled sky.

 _'Kinda poetic, how they can leave and I'm stuck in place.'_

The boy nearly left it at that and gone home, but something in the sky caught his eye. He was never the smartest kid in class, but he'd seen enough sunsets to know that the sky was fairly uniform when it came to its colors. Reds stayed with reds, yellows stuck by yellows, and blues met reds and made purples between them. Not only that, but the blue was always dark and closer to purple than most other blues the sky could make.

He was fairly sure that the almost-cyan color flashing in the clouds was by no means natural.

There was a loud crack and something fell. Against the light backdrop, the object was almost black. Despite that, the young boy could make out four limbs and a head. _'Was there a plane? Did someone drop their doll or something?'_

It grew closer, fell faster, and he felt instinctive horror as he realized what it was that was dropping out of the sky, falling too fast to be stopped ( _'He's gonna_ die') and _directly above him._

The boy ran out of the way just before the body hit the concrete. The shockwave knocked his small body off its feet and he fell to the floor. Fresh tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as his face rubbed against the pavement and dirt got caught in the new cuts. He sat up and rubbed away the dirt as gently as he could; he could feel blood getting rubbed away as well, but there wasn't much of it so he wasn't worried.

What he _was_ worried about what the undeniably dead person that had nearly killed him too. He hesitated slightly before turning around to see the body, his morbid curiosity too strong to ignore, even if he knew that he would probably be disgusted by whatever he saw.

Dust rose in a cloud and he held up an arm to cover his mouth. He could still taste the dirt, it stuck to his tongue and the roof of his mouth and covered his sense of smell completely, but it was better than nothing. He waved his free hand around to get the cloud to settle and dissipate faster. The light was fading fast and he'd rather not be out here when night fell.

Well, at least the person left behind an impressive crater. He couldn't really tell how wide it was or how deep, but he was sure that people wouldn't usually leave behind a circle of depressed and cracked concrete when they fell. That was when he knew exactly what he was going to say at this person's funeral, which he was definitely going to attend. He could tell the story about how they died and how sad he was that he would never get to meet such a cool person when they were alive. Because someone that fell to their death so hard that they left a crater marking where they died absolutely had to be cool in some way. There was no room in the boy's mind for any other explanation for the crater other than the force of the person's own awesomeness.

The dust finally allowed itself to be carried away by the little bit of wind that there was at the small park and revealed the prone — dead — form that nearly took the boy with him on his way to the grave. The person at the center of the cracked concrete, a teenager only a few years older than the boy who'd been at the swingset, had black, wind-tousled hair and a rather dirty face. He looked as though he hadn't slept much, if at all, and blood covered his nose and ears. His state of dress wasn't much better. The plain white shirt he had on looked like it hadn't been washed in months, and the smell only confirmed that fact. He wore what would have looked like black dress pants if they weren't equally as ragged and stained as his shirt.

The body gave no obvious signs of life. He couldn't see the rise and fall of his chest or any sort of twitching that would disprove that, but still, the boy wanted to have a closer look. Despite his earlier thought that he would be repulsed, he found himself even more curious. The body smelt awful, so he resigned to just take a quick look and then run home to tell everyone about the teen that nearly killed him and then died.

As he neared, there were a few things that he hadn't noticed before. Namely the pointed ears and the tail. He almost ran home then and there to tell his family about the teen that nearly killed him and then died and that he had a _tail,_ but he didn't. He crouched down by the thin appendage and observed with all the intensity that a 12-year-old could muster. The tip was fluffy and the fur messy, just like the hair on the strangers head.

"You were kinda like a poodle, huh?" And against his better judgment, he reached for it and pulled.

Safe to say that Rin had never felt more terror in his life than that day with the poodle-boy.

* * *

i ઽαખ α ઽ૧ષi૨૨૯ℓ ૯α૨ℓi૯૨ Ƭѳđαy. iƬ ખαઽ ℓѳทg đ૯αđ. i ખ૯ทƬ iท Բѳ૨ α ૮ℓѳઽ૯૨ ℓѳѳઝ, Ƭષ૨ทઽ ѳષƬ iƬ ખαઽ ρѳઽઽ૯ઽઽ૯đ вy α đ૯ʍѳท ખђ૯ท iƬ đi૯đ. i gષ૯ઽઽ iƬ ʍષઽƬ'√૯ в૯૯ท đ૯αđ ઽiท૮૯ Ƭђ૯ ԲigђƬiทg ૯ทđ૯đ, ʍαyв૯ в૯Բѳ૨૯ ƬђαƬ.

i ખѳทđ૯૨ ખђy i'ʍ ઽƬiℓℓ ђ૯૨૯.

ーᴇxᴄᴇʀᴘᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟ ᴏꜰ Oᴋᴜᴍᴜʀᴀ Rɪɴ, Nᴏᴠ. 29ᴛʜ, 2010

* * *

 _I debated long and hard about whether I wanted Rin to be younger or if I wanted there to be two Rins at the same time. Fortunately, deciding whether or not I wanted the Rins to have contact with each other was a bit easier._

 _Rin's tail does look like a poodle tail, doesn't it? How most of it is thin and that it ends with a tuft at the end? I guess it's more similar to a lion's tail, but the idea of Rin being like a poodle was too good to pass up!_

 _I feel obligated to say that poodles are very intelligent dogs. They can be very successful hunters and herders and have been used in the military since the 17th-18th century. They're pretty loyal as well, being dogs, and I feel that it represents Rin a bit better than a cat. I don't know if media still portrays them as silly show dogs though, I haven't watched TV in a while. But yeah, don't make fun of poodles for being dumb or anything, they're pretty smart!_

 _(*cough* not that I'm using that for symbolism or anything *coughcough*)_

 _In any case, I had this chapter ready to go since the prologue, I just thought it best to wait a little before posting it. But, since I'm impatient, it's going up now rather than later!_


	3. 3 - Trust Must Be Earned

**Fandom:** Blue Exorcist / 青の祓魔師

 **Summary:** His friends were all dead, and Rin refused to leave it at that. They deserved more, they deserved to live, they deserved so many things that Rin had taken away from them. He was so selfish to think that he could be there with them and their happy ending. But that was okay. He was going to make everything right again.

 **Warnings:** Adult language

* * *

 **2\. Trust Must Be Earned Through Your Actions**

* * *

"Alright, so what I tell you right now does _not_ leave this place. Like, at all," The older boy glared at Rin, almost daring him to protest.

After a few heart-stopping moments where he thought that the totally-dead-but-somehow-still-alive-guy was going to murder him and scatter his remains all over Japan, the two relocated to a dead-end alley not too far from the park that the other boy had almost destroyed. A large amount of confusion, screaming, and on his part, some tears (though he would deny them for all of eternity), no doubt attracted a lot of attention, which prompted the other boy to find somewhere else to talk. Because no one simply fell hundreds of meters from the sky and lived, and Rin refused to let it go. Hence why they were talking to each other at all.

The other's tail was lashing furiously and Rin felt a little bad. Just a bit.

The concrete floors were grimy and the brick walls had seen better days, but neither male felt the urge to voice a complaint about the conditions. The smell left something to be desired, but this was where Rin had grown up, in the poorer areas of the city. And while the other boy certainly looked the part of a guy who'd grown up in these parts (old shirt, dirty pants, smelly hair), he didn't seem as 'at home' as Rin felt. This lent Rin some confidence while facing against the apparent zombie; he had the home field advantage.

Shame that the zombie wasn't as cool as Rin thought he would be.

"I dunno why I gotta keep secrets for you, Poodle-chan," Rin frowned, but it was instantly lifted when the other boy fumed at him.

" _Chan?!_ No no no, you're mistaken," he laughed and took in a shaky breath. "First of all, my name isn't _Poodle,_ and you definitely aren't gonna use as _chan,_ you brat."

"If you're gonna call me a brat, I'm gonna call you Poodle-chan!"

"I will strangle you!" Rin laughed at the threat and ran to the entrance of the dead-end alley that they'd been talking in. He didn't get very far though. The older boy was surprisingly fast with his hands, much faster than he'd anticipated.

"Fine, fine! Le' go, you're chokin' me!" He'd grabbed him by the scruff of his hoodie and was holding him up from there. Rin kicked around as he felt his windpipe bend from the pressure, but even with his dramatics, the older boy did nothing but laugh at his misfortune.

"Pfft, you're fine. You're a lot stronger than any of the other kids out there. Now," he turned the boy to face him and gave him a shit-eating grin, "what's my name, brat?"

"Zombie-san! Zombie-san!" Rin took that opportunity to kick the other boy in the chest and forced him to let go. The zombie let go and grabbed his chest in surprise while Rin fell to his hands and knees and gulped down air, his eyes slightly watery from involuntary tears. He rubbed at his abused neck, relieved to find that it didn't sting at the touch. "You coulda killed me!" he pointed an accusing finger at his would-be murderer.

"You were fine, idiot! Damn, you kick hard!" the other wheezed and sat down on the grimy floor with a thud. He looked straight at him from where he was almost curled up. "And for the record, I'm no zombie. I'm human."

"Yeah right!" Rin sniffed. "No human has a tail, and they totally woulda died from that fall."

The other boy drew back as though he'd been burned by the words, but there wasn't much time to feel victory at getting under the other kid's skin before he shot off another retort. "Jus' cause I got a tail doesn't mean I ain't human, brat!"

"It totally does," he mumbled, but the older kid didn't dignify it with a response.

The silence between them stretched uncomfortably, now that they weren't arguing. "So, uh, what _is_ your name?"

"O-oh, uhh it's..." The other boy looked around wildly until his eyes landed on something behind him. "T-Taro! Yeah, my name's Taro." He rubbed the back of his head and laughed nervously, eyes wide. Rin narrowed his eyes at him. _'Liar.'_

"Okay," he dragged out, "what's your surname, 'Taro'?"

'Taro' glared at the younger boy. "That's Taro- _san,_ to you, kid. And I don't need to tell you shit about my surname," he crossed his arms and glared straight at Rin, almost like he was challenging the other to do something about it.

 _'Well I'm not that big of an idiot, idiot.'_

Rin just snorted a little and refused to rise up to the challenge. He knew that Taro was a lot stronger than he was. _'Maybe later,'_ he thought privately. "Whatever. What about your super secret secrets, Taro?" he dragged out the 'a' in the name the boy gave him.

"Uh, right, that." Taro scowled at the brick wall perpendicular to the wall he sat against. He seemed to make up his mind about something and sighed loudly, scratching the back of his head again. "Ah, man, this might sound super fake to you, y'know? But, I'll tell you. I'll tell you, but you gotta _swear,"_ Taro jabbed a finger at Rin, "not to tell _anyone._ Not your brother, not your dad, _nobody._ "

Rin waved a hand impatiently. "Okay, whatever, just tell me."

"No way, kid, I said you gotta _swear."_

Rin sighed and rolled his eyes. "I won't tell. Good enough?"

Taro just scowled at him like he knew what Rin was doing. "Say that you promise never to tell unless I say it's okay."

Rin glared at Taro, and Taro glared back. Taro knew about Rin and promises, somehow.

Rin may have had a reputation for getting into fights for little to no reason, but they were always fights he could _win._ The bullies never stood a chance against him one on one, and he could almost always beat them even when the odds were against him. But Taro wasn't like the school bullies; he was a hell of a lot stronger than they could ever be and wasn't someone Rin could beat easily, if at all. It set him on edge as he realized that he was looking at a _predator,_ not prey. And if didn't watch out, he might end up prey too.

Rin played it safe. "Why do I even have to listen to what you gotta say?" He crossed his arms and broke his gaze from the other. "I could just go home and never see you again."

"You wanna protect Yukio, right?"

His head immediately snapped up and he glared at the teen, "Wha' do you know about Yukio?!" he growled. "Why do you know anything about my brother? You a stalker or somethin'?"

"No, shut up," he gave Rin a flat glare. "God, you're annoying to deal with. I'm trying to help you out, idiot!"

"Hey, you're the idiot! You really think I'm gonna promise you something just 'cause you asked?"

"I kinda did," he heard the other kid grumble. "Whatever. Look, you gotta trust me when I say that I'm just trying to look out for Yukio 'n you. I know you can tell if I'm lyin' or not. So go ahead, am I lyin' when I say that 'm lookin' out for both of ya?"

Rin peered at the other boy, arms still crossed and frown set firmly on his face. Taro wasn't lying at all. It looked like that he really did want to help out Rin and his twin. But that still left the reason why. No one helps out someone else just to help out, unless they were just that nice. But all this trouble, trying to get Rin to trust him enough to make a promise? "What do you get out of this?" he growled.

Taro looked like he wanted to sag in relief. He kept his face serious as he said, "There's some stuff that's gonna happen to you guys in a few years. I wanna at least make it a little easier on you guys when shit really starts to hit the fan. 'Cause when it happens, it'll snowball into something way bigger, and a lot of people are gonna get hurt."

 _'Not lying,'_ he grudgingly admitted to himself, _'but he's not telling me everything.'_ He uncrossed his arms and opened up his expression a little more. "You're not tellin' me everything, but I guess you're savin' it 'till I promise not to tell?"

"Yep," the other boy popped the 'p' and smirked slightly, but quickly schooled his features into something more professional. "I really need you to do this though, Rin-kun," there was a crease in his brows as he said this, but Rin decided that it was because of the effort of having to call him by his actual name rather than 'brat' or some other name. "You wanna keep Yukio safe, and I wanna help you do that. I just need you to promise that you won't tell anyone 'till I say so."

What he was asking for was trust, and people at the church always said that Rin trusted too easily. But this was different. Taro wasn't just anyone, he was a boy that fell hundreds of feet into the concrete of a park and lived. Without needing any medical assistance or coming away with any life-threatening injuries. He didn't want to get on this superhuman's bad side, that was certain. But there seemed to be no way of avoiding the promise, and Yukio always came first, no matter what.

"Fine. I promise that I won't say anything to anyone but you when it comes to whatever you're gonna tell me." Rin felt a shiver go down his spine and he saw the other boy grin, but it wasn't all that malicious. _'At least, I hope that's not an evil grin.'_

"Alright!" Taro clapped his hands and smiled, "Time to do what I came here to do! So, I'm from the future, and the future has pretty much gone to shit. We gotta stop it."

"... What?"

* * *

Rin pushed the younger boy to go back home. It was really starting to get late, and if he remembered correctly, he didn't start staying out this late until he was a little older. No doubt the old man and the others were worried about the kid, so he made sure that he got home quickly.

 _'Shiro...'_ Rin's will almost broke at the thought of his father. The temptation to go see him, alive and well, was almost too great. It would be so easy to just hide in the shadows or on top of a building and watch his younger self as he was received by his family. He'd be able to see the man who'd raised him, the one that his biological father had ripped from his life, and no one would be the wiser. Except, maybe, the old man himself.

Shiro Fujimoto was the Paladin when he was alive, the top exorcist appointed by the Vatican. And Rin was a demon now.

Before they'd parted ways, Rin managed to get his younger self to at least give him a chance when he said he'd come from the future. He dodged the 'How?' question as best he could, and only gave vague answers when the younger Rin started to ask how he knew him. He wasn't as good at this as his brother was. He was always smarter than him, always good at foreseeing consequences, always so _rational-_

He sighed and looked up at the sky from where he was leaning on the wall. He hadn't intended to go this far back (hadn't he?), just far enough to stop the battles, or help out with the planning now that he knew when and where the Hell's armies would move. But that timeless void had messed with his mind to the point where, for a few moments, he'd forgotten what he was doing and why he was there. And even if he wanted to try and travel the rivers of time again, he had no clue as to how he'd done it the first time, nor how he managed to escape its void. He doubted he had the strength or stamina to use his flames properly.

His thoughts turned to the future he'd left behind. Would the Satan of that time follow him here? Could he? Would the King of Time be able, or willing, to stop the god of demons? Was there even a future anymore now that he was there, or had it faded away now that he'd influenced change?

He was beginning to find some truth in the how he was often berated for his rash decision-making. This wasn't an ideal situation. He'd intended to take the place of the Rin in the present, but he'd lost consciousness and couldn't will himself to become the Rin of the present. Not only that, but this Rin was only 12 years old, whereas he himself was 17. He had no clue what absorbing him now would do, now that he was a separate entity. He wasn't even sure if he _could_. His head was still pounding in time with his heartbeat and the wetness around his nose and ears was still too fresh. Even if he were at full strength, he didn't know if it'd be right to take this Rin's place.

 _'I shoulda gone back farther.'_ The thought came unbidden, and something dark welled up in his chest. He pushed it down. There was no time.

The sun was setting, his younger self was home, and he needed to find a place to bed down for the night. Already, his mind recalled many safe places that he'd found in his youth ( _'I'm only 17'_ ) and in times of distress; there were times that they had to be used as bolt holes when he couldn't make it back before sundown. They only offered minimal protection, but it was enough to last through most nights. He walked towards them slowly, he kept an arm around his chest (where the younger Rin had kicked him none too gently) and another on the brick wall. His body was sore and warm, the flames he had left working double-time to heal whatever injuries he'd sustained from, not only his fall, but from the other plane of existence as well. He was sure that a few of his ribs were cracked, if not broken, and maybe some muscles suffered damage, but the healing would have to wait. He suppressed his flames; they were taking away energy that he desperately needed to find somewhere to rest. The dead-end alley could work, but he'd have to change it up a bit so that the rain and wind wouldn't bother him too much. So he'd have to stay somewhere else for the night.

He avoided busy roads and places that exorcists frequented. They would instantly be able to recognize him as a demon by his tail alone, which he had out for the comfort of having the much-needed balance and so that it wouldn't have to stay wrapped around his sore chest. His less damning pointed ears and sharper canines had only gotten longer with time, and he wasn't sure if he could pass them off as birth defects anymore. Even without the tail, it would probably be best to lay low.

He walked further into the slums and less savory parts of the city. Most of the walls were tagged with something or other, and the few people that were still outside were either homeless or nearly poor enough to be. There were a few people that spared him a pitying glance or two as he practically limped around as normally as he could, but he didn't mind much. They didn't matter at all, and the prickling he felt on his skin from their gazes only made him want to walk faster, so it was fine. He turned the corner of a wall and further into a smaller alleyway, another dead end if he remembered correctly.

Another, less than kind homeless man, looked like he wanted to start something. Behind him, he could see what was probably his living arrangements. But wasn't in the mood for a territorial dispute, and Rin hissed at him, teeth bared and eyes narrow. The man backed away immediately, plainly disturbed, and Rin continued on his way, offering the man a grin that he was sure was not all that friendly. ' _Teach him to fuck with me,'_ was the only thought he had about the man before he resumed his painstakingly slow journey.

He was able to make it to a literal hole in the wall that he'd found when he was a bit younger than the Rin of this time. It was dirty and full of rotting plant matter and garbage, but there was just enough room to fit Rin's sore body inside. It was far away enough from the spooked man's place, he couldn't even see it from there, so it was good enough.

The stone scratched at his exposed arms and ankles, not as welcoming as he remembered, but it would have to do. He let his flames do their work of repairing his body, and the exhaustion settled over him like a dark blanket. He crawled as deep into the circular indent in the concrete wall as he dared and curled up, tail wrapping around him instinctively, its dark tuft of scraggly fur serving as a makeshift pillow. The night would be cold, but he was sure that the heat of his fire would keep him comfortable.

 _'Soon as I wake up, 'm gonna come up with a plan,'_ he promised himself before he let sleep take him.

* * *

He wasn't able to come up with a plan.

"Plans are lame, anyway!" he yelled at no one. His tail thrashed behind him as he made his way back to the alleyway. It was Saturday morning, so he didn't have to worry about a large crowd to wade through. A lot of people were still working and wouldn't be let out until afternoon, so he had no problem letting his tail out for all the people with _mashous_ to see. Not that there were any, judging by the fact that no one had started to freak out or obnoxiously point at the appendage.

As he neared the park, his stomach gave a pitiful growl. "Oh shit, I'm hungry," Rin mumbled, surprised. He'd seen some food places on the way there, on the main roads that he chose to take now that his injuries were mostly healed, so it wouldn't take too long to grab a bite and return. But then there was the issue of money...

"I could... get a job?" The closest success he'd had with a job was a few years ago now. His attempt to join the workforce had been thwarted by a demon, so he could potentially land a job if he played his cards right, given that there were no demons around to stop him. But was it really worth the effort?

An easier solution came to him in the form of a flyer smacking him in the face. He nearly burnt it to a crisp for interrupting his line of thought before he read the words on the offending paper. "Help wanted, cook for a restaurant chain?"

 _'Too good to be true,'_ was his first thought. His second was, _'I'll probably fuck it up, anyway.'_ His third: _'Cooking's the only thing I do right, right?'_

He shredded the paper as soon as he recognized the thought. There was no time to find a job, no way to get one now that he didn't exist according to the government (or that he was twelve years old, but it was easier to just say he didn't exist). He wasn't sure he could even bear it. Either he would be kicked from the position or he'd be able to keep a steady job, and he wasn't sure which one was worse. Better to just not try.

He needed a plan. He admitted that he didn't really have anything to work with beyond 'get to the past, change things.' Granted, he planned to get back later in his life and merge with the Rin of that time, but he couldn't do that now. It was too risky to try again and so soon, and he wasn't sure how he'd even go forwards.

 _'I need the clown,'_ he thought distantly, but it was just a wish. The Mephisto of this time wasn't the same demon he knew five years in the future. He never really knew what the silver-tongued demon wanted, but he was reasonably sure that whatever plans he had in mind wouldn't end up with his body six feet under. This Mephisto was more unpredictable. He wasn't Rin now, he couldn't reveal his hand as a wielder of hellfire just yet.

That was assuming that this Mephisto didn't already know about his manipulation of time.

* * *

In the end, he couldn't ignore the longing for home.

He watched the church from high up on one of the buildings. It was exactly the way he remembered it and exactly what he was thinking about _not_ doing the night before, and he waited for the Shiro of this time (not dad, not mine) to show up with a glare on his face and a gun in his hand. Though, he wouldn't notice Rin unless Rin had some sort of demonic tell, right?

He rolled back onto the roof he was peeking from and stared at the sky. Did Rin have some sort of evidence of his demonic presence? He knew Astaroth did, the Coal Tars and evidence of rot everywhere were proof enough of his status as the King of Rot. However, he didn't notice anything like that from Mephisto or Amaimon. But they also didn't have as drastic of a demonic appearance as Astaroth did on that day nearly two years ago. How would the Kings of Earth and Time and Space even show themselves?

He promptly smacked his hand on his forehead. "Flames, idiot," he said aloud. Satan's unholy fire was to him as rot was to Astaroth. Whatever Amaimon and Mephisto had was probably suppressed with their more human appearance, like him with his flames.

He continued to stare at the clouds in the sky. "What am I doing?" he asked himself. He'd come back to change things, but how would he go about that? Yukio said that he'd been training to become an exorcist since he was seven, so there was no way of getting him out of it now. This Rin still didn't have access to his flames, so there was nothing he could do there. He couldn't go to any of his old friends, they were still growing up and living their lives. Even though all his friends were alive, Rin was alone.

(Alone alone alone like the empty hallways the rotting streets the silence of the world it was _so quiet_ )

A noise, voices from below, knocked Rin from his thoughts. He peeked over the edge of the building to investigate and saw the Rin of this time arguing about something to whoever was inside the church building. He said his piece and walked away without closing the door. _'What a brat,'_ Rin thought with no small amount of shame.

So Rin shadowed him from the rooftops. Watching the boy, his younger self, and the way he walked the world was an interesting experience. The younger Rin walked slowly and with his head down, and his eyes seemed to trace the cracks in the floor he walked on. His face was set in a neutral frown, just enough so he didn't look like a guy to be messed with, but also wasn't looking for any fights. Well, a kid that wasn't to be messed with. The baby fat that still clung to his cheeks ruined the effect somewhat, but it wasn't as though the younger Rin couldn't hold his own in a fight if it ever came down to it. Rin remembered how strong he was compared to everyone, remembered the force that he had in his muscles and how they could crack bone since he was five. He remembered the struggle he had to go through to keep that force from hurting anyone.

It was something he enjoyed about fighting demons. He didn't have to hold back when it came to the beings of Gehenna. Humans were fragile, the lightest tap sent them rushing to the hospital and cursing his name. He'd learned to keep his strikes soft with the bullies and with the assholes that enjoyed making the lives of others miserable. It was hard, but he managed. Managed it so well that at some point, he forgot that he held back his strength at all.

He wondered if this Rin would like something to fight that wouldn't break as soon as he touched it.

The boy made a beeline to the park which, to Rin's chagrin, still had a ring of shattered concrete right in front of the swing set from his fall. He spared the crater a glance and continued on his way to the alley where they'd last seen each other.

 _'He wants to talk, huh?'_ He could always choose not to show up. His injuries hadn't fully healed yet, he hadn't allowed them to, so it wasn't as though he didn't have an excuse for not wanting to show himself.

The real reason was that he didn't know what to say to him. He didn't really know what to do now that he was in the past. Yukio was already training to be an exorcist, maybe he'd already gotten his first meister, so there was no way to spare him from that. This Rin had no clue about demons, he could tell by the way Coal Tars floated by his face and he didn't even twitch. Interesting that he could see his tail though. Maybe because they were the same person.

He frowned, but an idea started to form in his mind. Nothing solid, nothing definite, but something that he felt Shura might've encouraged him to do.

Though he couldn't see demons, that didn't change the fact that this Rin was the son of Satan. They'd both given Yukio his _mashou_ and damned him to a life of exorcists demons. Eventually, they led their brother to his death, would lead him to his death. They both needed to take responsibility for him, as the demon that forced this life upon him and as the big brother who acted more like the younger brother for all his life. They would both save Yukio and their friends, and then everyone would finally get their happy ending.

His mind was made up. Rin jumped off the rooftop and landed in front of his younger self, who'd been standing around waiting for about a minute. Rin ignored his cry of surprise and stalked towards him, a smirk gracing his features.

He just decided to get straight to the point. "So, you wanna protect Yukio, right?" His hand shot forwards and grabbed the younger boy's arm. He allowed the nails on his right hand to grow and sharpen, and poised his clawed index finger above the other boy's wrist, seemingly oblivious to the boy's struggles against his firm grip.

"First, you gotta be able to see what you're up against."

* * *

i Բiทαℓℓy Բiทiઽђ૯đ вષ૨yiทg ઝѳท૯ઝѳʍα૨ષ. ђαℓԲ ђiઽ Բα૮૯ ખαઽ gѳท૯ ખђ૯ท i Բѳષทđ ђiʍ, αทđ α ℓѳƬ ѳԲ ઽђiƬ αℓ૨૯αđy ઽƬα૨Ƭ૯đ Ƭѳ ૯αƬ ђiઽ вѳđy. i Ƭѳѳઝ ૮α૨૯ ѳԲ Ƭђѳઽ૯ ℓiƬƬℓ૯ ઽђiƬઽ ρ૨૯ƬƬy ૯αઽy. ૯√૯૨yƬђiทg вષ૨ทઽ ૨૯αℓℓy ૯αઽy ทѳખαđαyઽ.

૯√૯૨yѳท૯'ઽ Ƭѳg૯Ƭђ૯૨ ทѳખ. αℓℓ ʍy Բ૨i૯ทđઽ α૨૯ ૨૯ઽƬiทg вy ૯α૮ђ ѳƬђ૯૨. i ખѳષℓđ ρષƬ Ƭђ૯ʍ ખђ૯૨૯ ʍy ѳℓđ ʍαท ђαઽ в૯૯ท ทαρρiทg, вષƬ Ƭђ૯૨૯'ઽ ทѳ ઽρα૮૯ ท૯×Ƭ Ƭѳ ђiʍ. ૮αท'Ƭ ʍѳ√૯ ђiʍ ૯iƬђ૯૨, ђ૯'đ jષઽƬ ઽʍα૮ઝ ʍ૯ α૨ѳષทđ Բѳ૨ Ƭ૨yiทg.

i'ℓℓ jѳiท Ƭђ૯ʍ ઽѳѳท ૯ทѳષgђ. i'ʍ ρ૨૯ƬƬy Ƭi૨૯đ ʍyઽ૯ℓԲ.

ーᴇxᴄᴇʀᴘᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟ ᴏꜰ Oᴋᴜᴍᴜʀᴀ Rɪɴ, Dᴇᴄ. 2ɴᴅ, 2010

* * *

 _I got the name 'Taro' from a Japanese snack called Kyabetsu Taro. I literally just searched up the names of Japanese candies and stuff on Wikipedia and that was one of the results that came up. According to the (super tiny) article, 'Taro' is also a common male name in Japan. So: Rin's looking for a name, Rin spots a Kyabestu Taro bag behind his baby-self, Rin uses Taro as his undercover name. Brilliant._


End file.
